Ouch, my inner critic is so mean!
I heard from many clients that it’s challenging to rewrite negative inner narratives, especially when you have “an inner critic that is extra loud and stubborn.” (This is a direct quote from a lovely ex-client.) If you can relate, I invite you to call on your inner shrewd observer to do some probing together by contemplating these questions:
What makes your inner critic so harsh?
Who is that judgmental voice in your head? Is it yours or someone else’s?
Being the wise person you are, what would you say to challenge that stubborn critic?
Even if the cruel self-talk intends to keep you safe, how would you refine the message so it’s coming from a place of love rather than fear?
Your inner critic is good at catching your attention when you deviate from the preconditioning. Its intention is to keep you safe, but can also stunt your growth and make you feel limited. If you realize you’ve been choosing what looks good to others, what earns approval, and what is less risky, I encourage you to rethink and consider doing life differently. Craft a new set of beliefs that are not precisely the same as your parents, make your life decisions based on your own timing without worrying about what others think, take the reign to redefine your success and prioritize your happiness, free yourself from expectations and ideas that are not yours, and have the courage to embrace who you are. This doesn’t mean you change your attitude to “my way or the high way,” throw kindness, respect, and responsibility out of the window, and dismiss anyone who holds a different opinion. Instead, you become truly independent with your beliefs, thoughts, and actions. Let others be, and let yourself be. Taking this approach doesn’t mean the critical voice inside will completely disappear, but it lessens its power and gives you space to step into your true self.
Positive affirmation is a tool you can use in your journey to change the inner narratives that constantly make you feel bad about yourself. The following is an example of how to address negative self-talk using positive affirmation.
Your thoughts: “Everyone seems to have their act together while I’m still trying to figure out my life. I don’t enjoy my career but don’t know what else to do. The only thing I’m certain is I want to maintain a nice lifestyle. I can’t take any risk that might worsen my situation. I have to earn more money to be comfortable. I hope the new year will not be another year where I make no progress and feel lost.”
Your underlying wish: “I want to be proud of myself and my work. I wish to achieve financial freedom so I can live freely. I want hopes and dreams for the future that will lead me to true happiness.”
Before we create positive affirmations based on the above, some clarity and letting go needs to happen.
Clarity:
What are facts, and what are your assumptions?
What is your idea of a nice lifestyle? What are essentials, and what are optional?
What would make you proud of yourself?
What does financial freedom mean to you?
What is your definition of happiness?
What are the negative thoughts that you repeat in your head over and over again?
Letting go:
Comparing yourself to other people.
Expecting complete certainty and control.
Having money will solve all of your problems.
Assuming the worst.
Thinking you are not good enough.
Repeating the same negative thoughts.
Let’s reframe with affirmations:
“I allow myself to be a work in progress, and I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I say yes to new opportunities that inspire me, and I am thankful for all the experiences that shaped me into the best version of myself. I choose independent thinking and stay curious and hopeful for what comes next. I embrace who I am and believe that I’m enough.”
Self-work takes time and requires patience and consistent practice. Start by being mindful of your feelings, thoughts, and words, then by clarifying what the best version of you feels like and releasing the negative patterns that block you from fully embodying the person you want to be. Reframe your self-talk from a place of love and use positive affirmations to learn your new story. Make a conscious effort to repeat thoughts and behaviors that foster inner freedom and trust that the future You will thank you for it.
